What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
