life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
