Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize