Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
