doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
