They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
