I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
