I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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