I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
