So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
