Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
