My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
