Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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