I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize