We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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