i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
