dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
