Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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