Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
