I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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