I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
