So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
