you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
