4 words: hood of his car
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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