im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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