Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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