Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
