I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
