My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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