I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
