so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so let's talk penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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