I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize