You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh god the rape fog is back!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
