I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?