Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical