it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude