Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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