Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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