I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
