I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
