Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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