we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
