i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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