so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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