i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
