I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
