Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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