just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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