I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
