I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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