k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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