He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
