Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
