you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
