??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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