That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
