Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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