I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
