Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
