She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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