I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
