I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
