I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize