final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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