I just saw a hot homeless man
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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