You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
