At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
