he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
