is your mom at the bar?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
