Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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