oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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