Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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