Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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