Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
