What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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