would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
