i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
