i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
