I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.