Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick