Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
