Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i dont even know how to be here
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.