I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....