I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick