don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
