I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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