I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize