did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
