I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
