Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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