I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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