Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
another moral hangover. fuck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
